Something There
by Adarian
Summary: The Prequel to "Marked": To the surprise of even herself, Tabris learns that her former enemy is someone she could grow to respect, and on the eve of battle, realize she could love.
1. Part One

Part One

All humans were monsters.

It was the only thing she could think as she had left the Alienage that day, soaked with the blood of the slavers. Her father had tried to comfort her when she had run from Alistair's side in the evening. Her father held her in his lap like she was still a child, holding her to him as if to protect her from the world.

"All men, human or not," Cyrion said softly, as he stroked her hair, "have good and bad in them. I tried so long to hate the men who took your mother from us. But in the end, I forgave them. Do you know why?"

Tabris shook her head without a word.

"Because I saw myself in them. Because one day, they too would be old men with children, with grandchildren. And I asked myself, was I worthy enough to decide their fate for them? Was I so free of sin that I could claim that I was better than them? We have all made mistakes, we have all hurt others. What is needed in this world is more forgiveness, more compassion."

"I don't want to forgive them," Tabris admitted.

"Your enemy is darkspawn, daughter. Humans are not your enemy. You have shown yourself, time and time again, that you are equal to them. Do not degrade yourself to the same level. Revenge is empty. It will only make you weaker."

She thought of these words, three days later, as Alistair's blade was about to slice through Loghain's neck. Without thinking, she put herself between her lover and the prisoner kneeling before him. She ignored the hush of the crowd, only meeting his hardened eyes with pleading.

"This will not bring Duncan back," she said softly, trying to reach out to him, "You know this. You're not a murderer, Alistair. Please."

"I swore to the Maker himself that this man would die at either of our hands. If you won't let me do it, then you do it. Just end this."

Alistair threw down the sword at her feet and she knelt to take it up. She looked down at Loghain, the man she had hated, the man who haunted them from every step and every turn.

And he was just a man.

She saw the wrinkles around his eyes, the cut down his lip from the battle, his braids tangled around his face. She saw Anora, her lip trembling, as she waited for her father's execution.

To even her own surprise, Tabris laid the sword back down.

After that, it was all rather a blur. Loghain was taken into custody by Riordan, Alistair had stormed off angrily. The Landsmeet argued amongst itself. Tabris remained standing there, her body trembling like a leaf as she tried to process what she had just done.

Within a day, Alistair had become the future King and become engaged to Anora. The man she had once loved, the man she saw slowly slipping from her, was gone. She should have expected it, should have known it was the only way it could end. This love had been dying for so long now. Even so...it was one of the darkest feelings she had ever had. They had betrayed each other in kind and now...now there was no chance for friendship or even politeness.

It was in that dark frame of mind that she witnessed Loghain's Joining. She witnessed the consequences of her choice in action. She had traded one man for another, like cattle. And for this man, this evil man, this old man, she had traded Alistair.

It would be only fitting if he died now. The Joining took so many, why wouldn't it take him too? It was a last chance for it to be resolved without growing even more complicated than it already was.

Loghain knelt as he took the chalice, still injured slightly from his battle with her. He kept eye contact with Riordan as he took the cup to his lips. Before he drank, he glanced once at Tabris, waiting across the room with her arms folded over her chest.

Twice today she had seen Loghain wait for death. Neither time had he pleaded for his own life, neither time had he asked for forgiveness. Both times she had been witness, a symbol of his failure in Ferelden.

Yet he still looked at her with respect as he drank the blood. He fell, slumping against his knees as the taint worked through his body. She could still see him breathing as Riordan commented, "He will live."

Tabris felt a surprise rush of relief. At least she would be able to use her hard-earned prize. Whether he turned out to be worth the cost would be a different story.

She left without looking back, her hand running through her hair as she tried not to cry.


	2. Part Two

Part Two

The camp was quieter without Alistair there and at times, Tabris was grateful for the silence. The dynamic had changed and she no longer felt as comfortable there. She felt many of them blamed her, thought she had made a poor decision. The only who had spoken to her that first day on the road was Sten. The man had quietly paused by her tent and said softly, "Life, any life, is worth saving. You chose the best for your people. No one should fault you, kadan."

It was Sten's reassurance that broke some of the tension at camp. No one wanted to argue with the giant, and if he backed their leader, then the rest would follow as well. The compromise was unspoken, but became quite clear: they would forgive her as long as Loghain kept quiet and apart from the others. As long as he was not one of them. To her surprise, he had accepted this judgment without question, spending little time with the other companions besides her Mabari.

Tabris kept Loghain by her side during the days. She felt oddly responsible for him, as if any other poor decisions on his part would only reflect badly on her. As a result, they began to speak, growing to trust the other, to begin to understand. As he spoke of his mother, of the Orleasian occupation, she felt a chord resonate within her. This man knew what it meant to go hungry, to have others decide ones worth, to watch those you loved die at the hands of the oppressor.

It was not a connection she appreciated having, but it could make her tolerate him, perhaps even admire him slightly. Maybe even like him.

The rogue and the warrior often went ahead of the group, scouting unfamiliar territories as they led the group back to Redcliffe. One day, just west of the Brecilian forests, Tabris and Loghain had climbed up a hill to get a better view of the valley ahead of them. The others were a few hours behind, slow as they carried all their equipment and gear. Loghain was surprisingly fast on his feet and Tabris found that the two of them could cover much more ground in a day just on their own.

Loghain sat down on the ground, drinking quickly from the canteen. Tabris smirked as held her hand out for it and he batted it away, continuing to drink.

Finally handing it over and wiping his mouth, Loghain said, "Warden, I'm an old man. As fun as it is chasing you all over Ferelden, eventually, a man needs a rest."

"Oh boo hoo," Tabris teased, "Should I get you a blanket? Perhaps you can have a nice afternoon nap while I go do some actual scouting?"

He rolled his eyes, "Come sit, you need a rest too. I don't want to have to come rescue you when you've fainted in the middle of killing darkspawn. It will just look bad for the Order and it's embarrassing enough being a Warden."

Too worn out to protest, Tabris sat down beside him, "Fine, if only to get you to stop wheezing for air. So what's this on your map?"

"It's Hunters Valley, I told you that five minutes ago."

"No, no, what is it on your map? You know, for Loghainland."

Loghain rolled his eyes, "It may surprise you, but I have not named every hilltop in Ferelden after myself."

"Well, it would make it difficult to tell them apart after awhile."

Loghain rose suddenly, "I feel darkspawn."

"Me too," Tabris replied, "Maybe thirty, a few miles away, but getting closer. I think we should investigate it. Fifteen for you, fifteen for me?"

"I could take all thirty myself," Loghain insisted, "And do it before you could manage to hack your way through two of them with that little dagger of yours."

"Is this before or after you have your nap?"

Loghain growled, "Come on, pup. I'll show you how this old man can still fight."

Tabris chased after him as they ran down the hill, the pull of the darkspawn pounding in their blood. She pulled out her weapons as she saw them. The Dalish had been caught in their path, and it was moments from being a massacre. The Dalish warriors fought back bravely, trying to shelter their children and elders from the worst of the creatures.

Tabris made her way through to the protected Aravel, waving quickly to Mithra. Mithra shouted a greeting, knocking a darkspawn down with an arrow. Tabris climbed up the side of the Aravel, pulling her own bow from her side.

"Is it just you, Warden?" Mithra asked over the fray, "We could use a few more right now."

"Just me and-"

Loghain's war cry echoed through the valley as he smashed into a genlock.

"Him, unfortunately. Is your Keeper secure?"

"Yes, the Aravels are safe, but the halla are terrified. We're not going to be able to move them until the darkspawn are gone."

"Then we'll get them off the scent," Tabris promised, "Hang in there."

Tabris jumped off into the fray, slaying a hurlock that attempted to catch her. She swapped back to her sword and dagger, slashing her way through to Loghain's side. She paused as the ground began to quiver around them.

"Ogre!" She called out, to the hunters, "Stay back."

A few younger hunters ran forth, and she was pushed back, fighting off a genlock who had pressed her to the ground. His teeth tried to bite into her throat as she screamed. She stabbed him deep in the belly, pushing him off, as she heard the ogre fall.

The remaining darkspawn fled and the Dalish hunters circled around the ogre's body. They parted slightly for her and she saw Loghain's crumpled form. Her hands shook slightly, as she said quietly, "Get your Keeper. Now."

Loghain groaned slightly, rolling to allow a young elf to crawl out from beneath him.

"Cammen?" Tabris asked in surprise.

"The ogre was about to grab me," he flushed, "The Warden pushed me out of the way. He saved my life. But the ogre stepped down, he nearly crushed us both."

Tabris knelt down beside them both, Loghain's bruised face looking up at her in satisfaction.

"I think I may name this hill after the ogre," he coughed.

"No, I think you earned this one little patch of Loghainland," she grumbled, "You stupid idiot. You're supposed to kill the ogre, not get stepped on by it."

Loghain scowled, "If the damn kid hadn't been so slow."

The hunters parted as Lanaya knelt beside them both, examining Loghain.

"His injuries are not deep, but they do require healing. We will make camp here and let the halla rest. Bring him to my aravel and I will help him after I help the others."

Loghain protested, "I am not badly hurt and we will only put you in more danger. Our camp will not be far from here. Warden, if you could grab a poultice from the bag, we can get on our way."

Lanaya shook her head, but Loghain insisted, as he stood, "I have had much worse injuries. Your people need to move on as soon as you can, it will not be safe here much longer."

Lanaya nodded, "We will move out when we can. Ancestors bless you both. It seems you are always there when you are needed, Warden. Find your way safe."

Tabris handed Loghain his poultice and he drank it quickly, the colour returning back to his cheeks and the bruises lowered.

They made their departure and headed back into the forests. Once they were out of earshot, Tabris slapped him across his still healing face. He groaned, rubbing his jaw, as he asked, "What was that for?"

"There are two Grey Wardens in all of Ferelden! TWO!" she shouted, "Do you not understand that? If you die, there's just me. You cant be so stupid as to jump in front of an ogre and beg to be stomped on."

"There was a child in the way," he justified, "Do you think I am so horrible I would have let him be killed?"

"A Dalish hunter. If he had been born in Denerim, you would have sold him into slavery. If he was in Cailan's army, you would have left him to die. Do the tattoos suddenly make him worth saving."

"You don't understand what you're talking about, Warden," he replied, darkly.

"You're right," she replied, "You're willing to throw your life away for a stranger, but you won't be man enough to do what's right for your country. Is living that scary, Loghain? Do you need redemption that badly? Is your ego that huge? Do you need to escape me so badly? Do you hate me so much that you want me to go through this alone?"

"Are you really that dense?" He retorted.

He grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her hungrily. She started to protest, but melted into the embrace. His lips left hers and she pulled him back to her, kissing softly.

Loghain pulled away from her and said quietly, "We should head back to the others."

They would spend the rest of the day in relative silence. Tabris could barely hear past the beating of blood in her ears. When they made it to camp, she excused herself and laid down in her tent.

Trying to catch her thoughts, she could barely stop herself from sliding her hand under her stays and relieving the throbbing that had persisted since that kiss. She bit down on her hand as she came, stopping herself from whispering his name.

As she shook, coming back into reality, she felt disgusted with herself and rolled to her side, trying to will herself to sleep.

Yet somewhere across camp, she could have sworn she heard a satisfied groan of her name.


	3. Part Three

Part Three

They had arrived in Redcliffe just before dawn. Fighting off the darkspawn had distracted her enough, had centered herself on the moment at hand. Yet there was quiet enough, one moment before it would all fall apart. Their party neared the castle gates, preparing for a night of rest in actual beds. This was the last moment, one quiet respite before they faced down death together.

Loghain had not spoken to her since that night, though she sensed his presence, as she had Alistair's. The nearness of another with taint, mixed with her lustful thoughts, merely was another constant reminder of her poor decision-making. She felt the connection again, buzzing softly as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Warden," he said gruffly, "We need to speak before we go into the castle. Please."

"Speak your mind, Loghain," Tabris muttered.

"No. Alone."

Tabris nodded and commanded Sten, "Get everyone inside and see what preparations need to be made. I'll be back soon."

"As you wish, kadan."

The two Wardens left the side of their companions, walking to the side of the mountain, looking down at the ruined village below.

"Warden..." Loghain said quietly, "When we get inside, things will change. You may not have as much control over the situation as you wish; you may not get to choose who goes with you. I do not think soldiers should go into battle with things left unsaid, so I will speak plainly. I acted out of line yesterday. You are my commanding officer and I should treat you with respect. I will follow you into battle, into death if need be. I wanted you to know that. Perhaps you do not respect me now, maybe you never did. I am...I am a monster to you, I know. I am to myself as well some days. Regardless. That is all. We should go in, there is little time left."

Loghain left her there and Tabris had difficulty getting the air back into her lungs. No. No this was wrong. This wasn't happening to her.

She held it together as they entered the hall together, barely processing that they would be leaving for Denerim, to face the Archdemon itself in the morning. There was too much happening at once, there was not enough time to think...

He might love her.

That shouldn't change a thing. He was a vile man. He was a villain, the epitome of the cruel and heartless shem that had ruled over her people for ages.

And yet she might love him too.

The treacherous thought made her nearly sick to her stomach. No. She had loved before. It had felt good, felt natural, felt a blessing in life. This felt a curse, a judgment on her very soul.

Riordan disrupted her thoughts as he asked, "I need to speak with you both as soon as possible. Make your way to my room when you can. It is...of life or death importance."

She looked at Loghain for only a moment, their eyes meeting across the room. Her heart pounded in her chest.

There was no time to deal with this. She simply had to keep going.


End file.
